This week kicked off to a great start and by Friday I was feeling like a strong, confident woman who could do anything. Then I woke up Saturday and my internal channel had changed to ‘You can’t do this’. WHY?? I want to see if I can figure out what triggers this change in mindset so dramatically because it is a long slow process to feel good about myself again. Its so frustrating and annoying.
After waving Mum off on her travels further round NZ, I headed to the pool and managed a solid 3000m for Monday’s swim session. I came up a little short due to cramp, but remembering that this time last year I was cramping a lot more and usually around the 2000m mark, so I’ve made some progress. Monday was also a success in that I managed to catch up on writing my blogs. I still haven’t found a good routine for writing these up yet, but I do enjoy it and its pretty cool to look back and see how far I’ve come in just the last few months.
I’ve been a bit quiet on the old Instagram lately, mainly because my training schedule is fairly consistent each week and I have just been getting on with it. I moved a few sessions around from the weekend, to free things up a bit, added a rest day Thursday and with double days on Wednesday and Friday, it seemed to work quite well. I just need to be organised, don’t over think things and just get it done. Tuesday’s bike session was fine, followed by an easy run. Wednesday was swimming followed by treadmill pyramid intervals which was tough but I got though it. I also realised that my ‘conservative’ goal half marathon pace of 5:00/km is estimated to give a time of 1hr 45min, which is well under my 2hr goal time. We shall see how the Rotorua Half Marathon goes next weekend…
Thursday was a rest day and I went to the cinema with my boss, Fiona, to watch ‘Ride Like A Girl’. I’m not really a horsey person, preferring the 2 wheeled variety of riding, but it was such a good movie about a brave woman making her mark in a male dominated world. Click HERE for the trailer and if you haven’t seen it, you should!
Friday’s session was a 3hr aerobic endurance ride, on the trainer watching YouTube videos on podcasting and social media marketing. Very boring/interesting and I feel like I have leant a lot and might be ready to take my project to the next step…
SO, if you would like to share your story and be part of the Anxious Athlete podcast then please send me a message. I would love to talk to other people who deal with depression and anxiety, who have found strength and support in sport and physical activity and I’d like to hear from those who can help as well.
Anyway, after the success of the week and feeling super proud and productive, I woke up Saturday morning and felt like the worst person ever. I felt fat and slow, emotional, irritable, overwhelmed, stressed and frustrated. WHY?! Why does this happen? Is it my hormones or something? Its really annoying and I pretty much let it rule my weekend. I had planned to run round my local park, but they were setting up for a cricket match. So I decided to go for a swim instead and couldn’t find any parking spaces. Then I went to do a food shop and forgot my reusable bags and couldn’t find my wallet. I drove back home, having wasted 2 hours of my day driving around town. I spent the rest of the day feeling sorry for myself at not being good enough to get my workouts done and just generally feeling pretty shitty. Sunday wasn’t much better, with a melt down and cry over ‘loosing’ my breakfast before coaching kids mountain biking. I’d made peanut butter on toast as we loaded the car to go riding, and couldn’t remember where I’d put my toast. I sat on the floor and cried like a toddler till Ryan found my toast for me (in the kitchen). Maybe I’m just hangry, or tired or need to meditate more or need to actually run or something. I don’t want to feel like this, but I want to know why I feel like this.
I don’t know why I get like this and why it happens so often. It derails me and puts a downer on what was a really productive week of training. In 10hrs, I managed to swim 4925m, bike 114.2km and run 16.9km, which was better than the week before and way better that last years effort.
You cant let a single moment or day define you. So what if you had a bad day, everyone does. You just need to pull your socks up, adjust your ponytail and get back on it.